Bye-cycles

So, I saw this bicycle the other day. It was the most unusual bicycle I've------

Wait. 

I gotta stop here for a moment. A new train of thought has just occurred to me, something I've been harboring for a while. Hold on to your knickers.

Okay. I see a lot of bicyclists every day... bastards. I mean, "Hey! Hooray for you! You're saving the environment by not polluting the air with toxic car fumes, or whatever. And you're staying healthy while you do it! Yay!" No. I don't really feel that way about bicyclists. I find the whole "I save the environment!" to be a little counterproductive in this particular instance.

Allow me to elaborate. (You holding on to your knickers?) So, there aren't too many bicyclist lanes here in Austin. Weeeeeell... yes, there is, perhaps compared to other cities in Texas, there are actually a lot of bicyclist lanes. HOWEVER, there are not enough!!  Not nearly enough. And because of this, bicyclists tend to act like cars, and like cars they drive/ride in the lanes made-for-cars. Okay, whatever. It's just like being a motorcyclist right? WRONG. Because motorcyclists can keep up with the speed of traffic. Bicyclists can't. Caaaaaan't. But bicyclists are apparently unaware of this fact and continue to be ignorant enough to think that they can keep up with the speed of traffic, and therefore they take up an entire car-lane, but in reality, they're just really damn slow. They are not as fast as cars are. And as a result of this, car after car after car gets stuck behind them in two-lane, super-busy traffic, and, as a result, are forced to slow down. How is that saving the environment? Bicyclists cause cars to go slow, thus putting them at more red-lights, and stopping them more often than is necessary so that their cars are out in the open for longer periods of time, and when one bicyclists affects--let's say--20 cars a day (minimum, by God, it has to be more than that,) that is a significant increase in the amount of pollution leaked into the air by all those extra minutes those cars are sitting at those infinite-stop-lights.

There is an easy solution, however. RIDE ON THE SIDEWALK. Goddam, it's right there. Nobody is walking on it! Just pedal on over there. Save everyone a headache. 

Anyway.

Oh, yes, what I was originally saying. I saw the most unusual bicycle the other day. You know how tall awnings are on the outsides of buildings and shops and things? Like 12 feet or something. Well, this bright blue bike was parked outside a store, and the seat of the bike was level with the awning. It had a little ladder on the back of the bike leading up to the seat. Pretty neat. Would've like to have seen somebody actually riding it (on the sidewalk, cough-cough).

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